It's the beginning of the battle. The moment when the reality of the event at hand finally becomes real, authentic, urgent. Something happens in that moment. Something changes in that moment as the uniform in dawned. As that jersey slides over your head it becomes more than just a pile of folded fabric, it becomes a part of you. It becomes your identity... Or maybe the converse. Either way there is always something special in that moment. And it truly is a moment, an experience. Life in that moment slows, the calm before the storm, The last chance for reflection before the coming event that is surely bigger and greater than the individual.
I found myself in this moment twice this week. The first, although with a twist, was quite familiar. The second was very new.
As a ballplayer I have a certain tendency towards superstition. The number on my jersey is more than just a number. It is a Necessity.
5 was different this week. My baseball playing days seemingly are over, yet I found myself in that moment again as I slid into a very familiar pair of baseball pants. There was no game forthcoming but a battle nonetheless, as a new phase of my baseball career began as a coach. It was different. I was no longer preparing to do, but to teach.
The second jersey this week was in no way familiar to me. Dirt bikes are a completely new world to me. Aside from Saturday morning replays of ricky Carmichael's domination of His sport through the 90's and that ridiculous double backflip from personal hero Travis Pastrana, i'm a virgin to the sport. Until recently I had never even been on the back of one of these iron horses. Yet as i was dawning this new uniform that moment came. Life slowed for a moment, heart beat quickened, there was clarity. This was no race day, but I was still preparing for a battle. A battle against myself, my inexperience, my adrenaline, even my common sense maybe?
Like a soldier preparing for battle. A moment. Calm. Clear. Focus. Swagger. It changes you. You are no longer just average. No longer just human. In that moment you become more. You and the jersey, you become one. It becomes a part of you. The more the time spent in the uniform the more it and the wearer become one. And eventually you stare at the dirty jersey laying on the floor and realize that you are still wearing it. It's on the floor, but you can still feel it. 5 hasn't left me. We don't take the diamond battlefield together anymore but we are one.
I wonder if that's not how this Holy Spirit thing is supposed to work. We have these moments of clarity, focus, understanding. Suddenly we are capable of more than we could ever have imagined. We don't know how it happened but it changes us. We fall in love with it. We go to great lengths to experience it again. It's adrenaline. It's addicting. It fuses itself into our lives and before we know it we don't even have to "put it on" anymore. We are one.
My life is much improved because of 5. The game it represents. The person I have become because of it.
But the Holy spirit is different. It changes EVERYTHING. I could live without 5. I would be worthless without my Holy Spirit.
